Showers, Pillows and Chocolates

Showers.
It was an unstarry evening. No one was in the mood for a good talk and so I decided to sit and took a good book to read. I was surprised to hear my phone beeps since it hadn’t received any messages for the past hours. It was him. The man I chose to like, love and accepted to be hurt. It was nothing special, the jerk just ask who I was. Nice. I hesitated to text back, I don’t know why, but I don’t. I took a shower and it began pouring with the water. Now, I’m sure I’m not feeling well. It hurts and it hurts more to know that I can’t do anything about that. I so like him and the shower helps to ease the pain away.

Pillows.
Here I am again, can’t sleep, doing nothing and sitting beside an old window staring at the city post and silly electric wires. All I can hear is my breathe and the man selling balot. I looked at the sky for a possible view of stars. I saw an empty sky ---- empty. Until I heard the machine of a plane, I used to look at airplanes with hopes and dreams. For me it is a goal to be reached. I used to. Now, I look at it for the mere fact that it signifies leaving and being away. These things have to sink in on me, to realize that he had chosen that road and for me to forget all my aspirations with him. It is lonely to be alone. We is far better than I. I went to bed and force myself to sleep even though I know that it isn’t the sleep that I long for but my buddy ---- my pillow for comfort. I do this best and I’m doing it again. Dry eyes don’t always mean dry pillows.

Chocolates.
3:oo pm. A signal to end the class, it was a boring day for me, I don’t know for others. Actually, I don’t care about what they think. A friend asks me to stay for some tea and a good talk, I reply with the lamest excuse. She didn’t push on so we went home. Nobody’s home when I arrived. I took a shower and went to bed. “I cant stay, I have to go”, “No please. Don’t.”, “Take care. I’ll miss you”, “No don’t, please … I love you”, “Bye.”. Shit! I was dreaming, my eyes were soaking wet. I went off the bed and reach for a glass of cold water. Still, no one’s home. I try to forget the dream, but it just brings all the memories of the past. I try to take a shower again, but I feel that it wasn't the best remedy at this time. I try to seek the comfort of my pillows but someone just came. Damn! I can’t help it; I went to the sink and wash my eyes before I opened the door. I don’t know what to do; I don’t want anybody to see me so weak. And so I came to my last resort ---- chocolates. I crave for more and more. It works. It doesn’t take away the pain but it makes me comfortable, that is what’s important.

It hurts like breaking my bone marrow. All I can do is to take a shower, seek my pillow’s caring touch and indulge myself to more chocolates. A want a view of a star, my distant star. It helps, YEA, it do.