OBLIVION

FREE WRITING.

I woke up this morning and I had this idea of still using this turtle-loading site. I spent hours and days (not continuously, of course) trying to load this blogger site. What is wrong with it?! So now that finally encrypted this page, I must forget what consistency means and just write what I feel like writing.

So you better stop reading if you're not into some epic coz this may take some, I mean a lot of your time.

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For a gist of this so called free writing,
I AM SAD.

Yes, and I've got a plenty reason why. And yes, you guessed it right if you have been stalking my blog, (mygaaaaad! who would? HAHA.) there is no real reason I am sad. Or maybe it's a lot and I can't point out when did I start to get sad. (and then my I dont know statement comes again, and then my grammar and spelling are not in constant relationship again? see?)

OKay, this is where a reader should ask, WHAT-IS-SHE-TALKING-ABOUT? I've been really down lately, I feel like I want to be somewhere, and yes still, I dont know where, like in a place where I dont know everyone, where I don't worry there is a deadline of papers I have to submit tomorrow (or later), where I don't worry that life is getting boring and I need to shop, where I can wake up that I have one day to be happy and go to sleep like tomorrow's never gonna come. Somewhere not here. And the only thing that keeps me here is my awesome (I mean that BIGTIME) family, they're like my angels and constant reminder to live, just live, and my friends (by friends, I mean the 10 people or less, some are just acquaintances or.. or friends? whatever). And then I feel like nothing's going right, like I always have to compromise, like I have to do things again and again, I feel wrong all the time, and it sucks, coz I'm not like that. And I have this guy I'm absolutely crazy about, and he's gone. (I mean he's gone for a long time, he's not even in the country. UGH) JUST LIKE THAT. I mean I just want to be friends with him coz whatever, not important. And I treasure the 11 years I have known him, and it's like a big part of me went dead when he acts like I am someone not worthy of time (OMG, talking about this so kadiri for me) And there are those people, girls in particular which I'm really close and some of them got pregnant, and my mom can't be anything but worried about me. I can't blame her for that, at some unconscious thing, I blame those girls, for actually doing the S thing and not be safe or anything, I look up to them, and they disappointed me. And I feel like life is getting boring everyday! mygaaaaaaaad! And I look up for internship that accepts students even if it's not yet OJT time, and mom is like, no I don't want you to work, and I was like, mom it's not work, it's learning! Like I don't care if it has salary or not, coz my folks give me more than what I need and I get the stuffs I like (though I'd be willing to take extra money, HAHA), so my point is I want an internship so I could learn and at the same time focus on something! I feel like my junior life is an empty part of me!

I guess the real deal is I feel empty and I still don't know what to do about it

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